


Everything Is Not What It Seems

by twohearts221b



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Assassin John, Damn, Dark John, Fluff, Humor, Hurt, M/M, Unrequited Love, Wild Target - Freeform, holy fuck is that really a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-18 11:53:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1427500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twohearts221b/pseuds/twohearts221b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes things are not what they seem. You can think one thing about something or someone and then you find out you were completely wrong and everything you thought you knew is suddenly gone and nothing makes sense. John Watson is the perfect example of all of this. He knows how to play the game and he most definitely knows how to not get caught. Suppose that’s what makes him the best there is. John Watson isn’t a good man... in fact he’s the furthest you can be from a good man. John Watson is the best assassin in the United Kingdom and frankly if you were to ask John he would say the best in the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyy hey heyyyyy to all of my fans out there... actually who am i kidding! I don't have any fans! heh. Anyway! I am still writing Tulips for those of you who read that so don't get your knickers in a twist! also also my life has been hectic and i needed a break and something fresh so here have assassin john! he's pretty legit and i know you might want that, but he's really sweet once he meets Sherlock!!! awww of course it's all an act, but shhhh! you don't need to know that yet!

Sometimes things are not what they seem. You can think one thing about something or someone and then you find out you were completely wrong and everything you thought you knew is suddenly gone and nothing makes sense. John Watson is the perfect example of all of this. He knows how to play the game and he most definitely knows how to not get caught. Suppose that’s what makes him the best there is. John Watson isn’t a good man... in fact he’s the furthest you can be from a good man. John Watson is the best assassin in the United Kingdom and frankly if you were to ask John he would say the best in the world.

~O~

John sat on his couch in one, of the many, living rooms he had. He wore his Westwood suit, like he always did, and was sifting through some papers. John lived in a mansion with more rooms than he knew what to do with, but he supposed it was all okay because all of his staff and servants lived with him. He couldn’t trust them to be anywhere than at the mansion. He never even let them leave unless he trusted them... John didn’t trust anyone... He didn’t even know anyone’s name. There were a couple of people he thought he knew the names of, but it didn’t ever matter because no one dared to argue with John. He was a dangerous man and they never talked back to him because bad things happened when they weren’t willing to listen.

John was a brilliant man. He was smarter than anyone he had ever had the pleasure of meeting and sometimes he would follow Sherlock Holmes in the paper and would just laugh. Everyone thought that Sherlock was brilliant, a prodigy, but John was so much smarter than him! However, he knew his job and he knew his place... unlike Sherlock he couldn’t flaunt his abilities, but he loved his job more than life so he supposed he was okay with it.

John leaned against the couch and pulled out a paper from the stack of jobs people had sent him and looked over it. He groaned, rolled his eyes, and threw it behind him.

“Problem, sir?” a man by the name of Blake said. He had just walked into the room to tidy it up when he heard his boss’ anger.

John craned his head a bit and smirked, “Just people are idiots... come over here, Brad. Let me show you something.”

Blake walked over to John quickly and sat next to him on the couch, “Yes, sir?”

John sighed and made his voice go high, trying to impersonate a woman’s, “Dear Mr. Watson I would like you to get rid of the neighbour’s dog because it barks at night and I think one more night of this and I might go mental.” He shoved the paper in Blake’s face and then made his voice go back to normal. “Firstly, I’m not a bloody dog catcher and secondly, look at the price.”

Blake scanned his eyes for the reward the woman was giving and cringed a bit. “Fifty pounds...” He read out loud. John never took anything lower than two hundred and even then it was pushing it. It wasn’t that John was greedy or anything... He just liked power and he loved it when people gave him things for the jobs he did.

John started laughing hysterically and snatched the paper out of his hands before tearing it into pieces, “A fucking joke! That’s what that is! I’m tempted to go over and kill her for fucking messing with me!” He growled a bit.

Blake nodded slowly and bit his lip. John scared him a lot actually and he was only here because John had something on him.... John had something on everyone here and that was why they were working for him... well, he had something on everyone, but Mike. Mike just worked for John and no one knew why... Blake had a theory that John actually knew everyone’s name, but only called everyone by the wrong name because he knew it got under some peoples skin. However, Blake didn't mind one bit.

John sighed and scrubbed his face. “Am I an intimidating person? I would like to think so, but yet I get job after job asking me to do something stupid for little amount! And don’t get me wrong Bill... I don’t need the money... I really don’t! I have more money than I know what to do with, but it’s the principle! If I let one person slide then my name will start to go down and people will start talking saying I’m a pushover, BUT APPARENTLY PEOPLE DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY ANYWAY!!” He screamed.

Blake flinched a bit and swallowed, “I take you seriously... always...” This talk was getting a little bit boring. He had this talk at least once a day! It wasn’t always with Blake, but he did talk about his ‘reputation’ with at least one staff members a day.

John looked at him and narrowed his eyes, “Yes... I suppose you do.” He hummed and then smirked as he grabbed Blake’s wrist.

Blake frowned a bit, but didn’t say anything. He watched as John slowly guided his hand towards him and then John gently set the palm of his hand down on his groin. John groaned softly and let his head fall back against the back of the couch. He let go of Blake’s wrist and then rested both hands behind his head.

Blake swallowed thickly, but didn’t take his hand away. “Sir..?” That escalated rather quickly and Blake didn't like where this was heading at all. There were rumours that John raped some of the servants, but even though John killed people for a living he couldn’t see John raping anyone... he had a theory that John got raped as a child or something and would never stoop that low... Sure he would make people give him random hand jobs or blow jobs, but he didn't think that he actually fucked anyone unless they wanted it. He knew that any sort of sexual activity without consent was considered rape... so he supposed in a way John did rape people, but he could never see John holding someone down and fucking them senseless while they screamed for mercy. He didn't know why, but he just didn't think that he was that type of person... it was silly to think that really because of all the things John did for a living.

John rolled his eyes a bit. “I thought it was rather obvious... Don’t make me spell it out for you.”

Blake nodded slowly and swallowed thickly. He slowly moved his hand up and down and dammit this was so awkward! He wasn’t even gay and he had never done this in his whole life.... He didn’t even know what John wanted! He slowly undid John's trousers after a while and stifled a sigh. This is what John Watson did... he used and abused people to a certain extent... The worst part was if Blake had chosen to decline this little excursion he would probably get his hand chopped off by one angry John Watson... Everyone tried their best to avoid an angry John Watson because that was probably one of the most terrifying things Blake has ever seen.

In a way John was like a little kid who has been spoiled their whole life... he always got what he wanted, no matter what that was, and if he didn’t there would be hell to pay. Another thing about John is that he was broken... Blake meant that in the kindest way possible, but really there was no kind way of putting that. John Watson was a broken man because instead of picking people off by a sniper he went into their houses or lured them into an alleyway and tortured them... It wasn’t like John couldn’t pick them off with a gun because he could. John was probably the best shot out there and was even better with a sniper. It was just that he physically enjoyed hearing people scream and watching them bleed. It would have made Blake sick, but he learned to get over it a long time ago. Without thinking he dipped his head down and took John in his mouth. He was completely lost in thought and that’s what made this bearable. You learned to develop a technique when working with John because he made you do a lot of things you didn't want to do... Things went by a lot quicker and smoother when you got lost in thought and just sucked it up.

John blinked a bit in surprise... in all honesty he was just expecting a hand job, but this was so much better. He groaned and tangled his fingers into Blake’s hair and thrusted. After about six minutes of pure bliss he came into Blake’s mouth and lay limp. He supposed these little adventures he had with the staff would be so much better if he could do it with someone he cared about, but John didn't care about anyone - he never did.

Blake about gagged and pulled off, but nonetheless swallowed. That had to be the nastiest thing he had ever tasted in his whole entire life and he now had a higher respect for women who swallowed. Of course he never got any action anymore because he could never leave, but his respect still stayed.

John smirked at him, “Remind me to double your salary, Burt.” He hummed.

Blake bit his lip, “But umm... Sir, we don’t get paid...”

John smirked more and his eyes crinkled, “Exactly!”

Blake forced a laugh and smiled at his boss. “Good one, Boss!”

“I know I’m fucking hilarious! Now go pick some cotton or something useful.” He hummed as he stuffed himself back into his trousers and stood up.

Blake nodded and scurried out of the room. God he was glad that was over. One of these days he hoped John got caught because he was absolutely sick of living as a slave.

~O~

John kicked his feet up on the coffee table and flicked on the telly to see if anything good was on. Most of the time when he didn’t have a job to do he was so, so bored. Well, okay, he had a lot of jobs, but he didn’t want to take anyone of them because they were shit. Honestly the number of dumb arses that contacted him was really starting to be infuriating. He supposed it wouldn’t be so bad if he actually had something he wanted to do, but he was starting to get that familiar itch in the pit of his stomach and he didn’t have a good job to ease it! He smirked as he watched the news because they were currently discussing a murder victim that he had killed. Every single one of his victims went into a cold case file somewhere in New Scotland Yard and that was brilliant to him. They eventually just gave up trying to find the killer because the trail always went cold! Not even Sherlock Holmes could solve it and he actually thought that that was laughable.

He sometimes left clues here or there, but even then Sherlock could never solve it. He felt a sense of pride in the matter because everyone considered Sherlock the most brilliant mind of this generation, but nothing he did could ever solve one of John's killings.

John yawned and started to doze off when all of a sudden his phone started ringing. He woke up immediately and answered it. “John Watson.”

“John Watson. This is Sebastian Moran.” The voice growled. “I have a job for you and you will accept it, do you understand?” He snapped.

John giggled a bit and rolled his eyes, “Aww Sebby!! It’s good to see you too! How’s your lover: James?” He hummed. The three of them had been friends ever since John was little... They were his only friends really and they would all torture bugs at recess... They grew apart once John told them that he didn’t want to work with them, but John had been teasing Sebastian about his feelings for Jim ever since they were fourteen. It was so obvious a blind man could see it, but Seb always denied it. He could see the way Jim looked at Sebastian too, but he didn’t know if they actually did anything about it or just pretended like they didn't have feelings for each other. Still, it was fun to tease his old friend.

“He’s dead.” Sebastian said, deadpanned.

John swallowed dryly and his face hardened, “What.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. John didn’t like Jim... He didn't like Jim at all... in fact he hated the little worm! He always tried to outsmart him and to be the best at everything! He tried to steal all of John's boyfriends and beat him at the science fair and even steal some of his clients. He hated Jim more than he hated anyone in his whole entire life, but Sebby had been a good friend to him and his heart broke for the man. Well, as much as it can when you don’t actually have a heart.

“It was Sherlock! Sherlock Holmes! He shot James and he claimed it was a suicide! I know for a fact that he wouldn’t kill himself! He wouldn’t do it no matter what it meant! I believe that Sherlock killed him and then framed it on James as a suicide! So now you are going to kill Sherlock.”

John smiled brightly. This job was amazing! One thing about John was that he didn’t kill random people no matter how bored he was and one thing that bugged him about Jim Moriarty was that he killed people just for the hell of it! John knew what he did was wrong, but at least he had a motive, a reason behind everything! He had wanted to get his hands on Sherlock for a while now, but no one had asked him to... no one until now that is. “I’ll do it. How much are you going to give me?”

“Eight million pounds because I don’t want you to just hurt him physically, John. I want you to go in there and break his heart into a million pieces! Make him feel what I’m feeling now and you’ll do that by becoming his flatmate. I heard he’s looking for one because the one he has now is about to move out. Also the one servant that you have that you actually let leave your mansion knows him. They work together... Mike Stanford... Once you’ve done that I want you to torture him for months before you finally allow that scumbag to die. Personally if you could torture him for years that would be brilliant too. Keep him alive as long as you can! But John... make sure he falls in love with you before you torture him!”

John let a soft smirk play on his face, “I’ve been told by many people that Sherlock Holmes doesn’t have a heart.”

“Everyone has a heart, John. It’s just a matter of finding it.” Sebastian growled and then hung up.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John relives his past a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn. if you read Tulips then you know that I suck at Chapter Summary's, but i also had leaving them blank.... or like anything blank... which is why the notes are basically just like bingle bongle dingle dangle yickety doo yickety dah ping pong lippey toppy too tah which is also my code word for sex... well fuck.
> 
> also if you read Tulips then you will know that i lied to you all... i said the new chapter for this would be up within yesterday and i failed you all, but hey! i'm only a day late.
> 
> also also im like so sick so thats legit and you all should love me. 
> 
> okay on with the story!

Ever since John got the call from Sebastian he had immediately started planning... he hadn’t been this excited for a job in- well ever actually. If he was going to do this job at all he was going to fling himself into this one hundred and ten percent. He also had to trick Sherlock and whereas he was smarter than the man it could become a bit challenging. Sherlock was brilliant, there was no denying that... and John thought that if he wasn’t such a ‘bad guy’ they could have been best friends.

Perhaps in another life or in another universe they were... Sherlock didn’t know who John was, but John knew who Sherlock was and he was a bit obsessed in all honesty. He followed Sherlock as much as he could, he read his blog, watched the news, kept up on his cases, and stalked him on the interweb. John didn’t know why he did that, but it was like he couldn’t stop. He was drawn to Sherlock like a magnet and that was a bit weird to him. However, he had wanted to kill Sherlock more than anything because the thought of bringing down a brilliant mind to a helpless, dependent person who couldn’t think for themselves anymore without looking to someone for approval sent a thrill though his body. He would take Sherlock's heart and he would get to hold it in his hands, something he was pretty sure no one ever had the opportunity of doing... and if they had, the number of people Sherlock gave his heart to was very seldom. He would keep it close and hold it protectively before smashing it to bits! Then he would take Sherlock's brain, he would caress and love it and worship it before taking it apart bit by bit. John knew his brain was messed up... maybe it was all the neglecting as a child. He slowly sat on the couch and his mind wandered.

_John ran into the car and got buckled in his car seat all by himself! He was only three and none of his friends could do that! He asked them... although he didn’t really have friends because people tended to avoid him, but he had squirrely (his stuffed grey squirrel) and he had his mummy and daddy. He sat happily in his car seat and looked out the window, waiting for his parents to get in the car. His mummy and daddy had packed a lot of his clothes and he was currently holding squirrely to his chest, he most definitely wouldn’t let squirrely go into the suitcase!_

_John smiled brightly as his mother and father climbed into the driver and passenger seat. He couldn’t wait until he was a big boy so that he could sit up there! Most boys his age just played with silly little toys and didn’t care about anything, but John was different... he was always thinking about things way advanced for his age and he knew that when he grew up he wanted to help people! He told his parents this on a regular basis and they would tell him it was a wonderful idea... He loved his parents more than anything and even though they were hardly around and gave him funny looks sometimes John didn’t see anything wrong because he was only three after all._

_The car jerked forward and his dad pulled away from the curb. John was thrumming with excitement as he held squirrely because his parents didn’t tell him where they were going... he tried to deduce it, but they seemed really adamant on keeping it a secret. John gave them props because most of the time he could deduce anything! However, he couldn’t deduce it this time so he decided that it must be a super fun holiday! Maybe they were finally taking him to the science museum! He had been dying to go there for months now._

_“Mummy!! Mummy! Are we going to the museum!! Why won’t you tell me where we are going and why do I have my suitcase?” he hummed and played with squirrely’s tail._

_He was in the back so he didn’t see his mother swallow and look out the window. His father answered for his mummy, “it’s a surprise, John! Now behave and maybe we’ll take you to the art museum next week.”_

_“Science!!” John corrected happily and he shut his mouth and didn’t say another word. His father always said that if he was good and stayed silent they might go and even though it never happened John always, always minded because there was a small chance that they could go and all he wanted in his three year old self was to go to the science museum!_

_John's mother shot his father a look and John frowned. They must be fighting... she always gave him that look and his father would roll his eyes so John took that gesture to mean that they were fighting... John was really brilliant for his age! He was as smart as an eleven year old and he was only three! He personally thought that he was smarter, but no one would believe him. However, even though he was brilliant he struggled reading emotions... he thought his parents loved him more than anything and would do anything for him... because John would have done anything for them in the whole entire world! But as they pulled up to a tall building that looked like it has been around since the dinosaurs he was quickly about to realise that he could have never been more wrong._

_John frowned as he stared up at the building and then at his mummy and daddy got out of the car. Surely they were just making a pit stop so he stayed in his car seat and waited for them to get back into the car. His father got into the back seat and grabbed his suitcase and John furrowed his brow more. “Oh... are we getting out of the car?” He smiled some._

_“Yes.” His father said firmly and slammed the door shut._

_John was confused, but unbuckled himself and grabbed squirrely as he pushed the door opened. The three of them walked inside and John frowned as he looked around. They were at an orphanage and John didn’t understand... he tugged on his mothers skirt and looked up at her, “mummy... I know you can’t have kids anymore are we going to adopt a brother or sister for me to play with so I’m not lonely?”_

_His mother swallowed, but didn’t answer his question. John huffed and held squirrely tighter to his small chest. He wandered off and sat on a bench nearby, he was close enough to see his parents and the woman who they were talking to, but he was far enough away that he couldn’t hear what they were saying. He sighed and looked at squirrely, “why are we here? I wanted to go to the museum! Or an amusement park, but I’m not tall enough for any of the rides, but the baby ones.” He huffed a bit and his squirrel just looked at him._

_‘You are a baby.’ The squirrel said back to him. Obviously the squirrel wasn’t talking, but John had an active imagination and made up the words for him. “I’m three! That isn’t a baby because I’m smarterer than everyone!” he hummed and stuck out his chest._

_The squirrel was about to reply to him when a lady came up to him, “hello, dear. I’m Mrs. Turner...” She smiled some and was holding his suitcase in her hands._

_Panic filled the small boy and his eyes darted around the room. He shouldn’t have wandered off! He knew the rules! “Where’s my mummy and daddy!!” He gasped and stood up abruptly. He had a lot of panic attacks and he couldn’t see his mummy! She calmed him, but she wasn’t anywhere to be seen! He ran to the front door and started tugging on it. “No! They must have forgotten! Help me before they leave forever Mrs. Turner! Hurry!”_

_Mrs. Turner’s heart hurt for the boy, but she put on a brave face and walked over to the young child. She knelt down so that she was level with him and took his hand into hers. “John... sometimes things don’t really make sense...” she watched as the boys lip started to quiver and she swallowed. “Your parents are in a position where they can’t support you right now and just want what’s best for you... you’ll stay here for a while just until they can get back on their feet...” Mrs. Turner knew that that was a lie... they said that they were struggling with money, but she could see that they weren’t. For whatever reason they just didn’t want this boy and dropped him off... this was for the best however because it was better to have a life growing up loved than to feel neglected and unwanted._

_John was so, so confused because he knew that they weren’t struggling for money... he looked up at the lady with sad eyes, “but... but daddy and mummy have a lot of money... I know they do!”_

_“Sometimes parents are really good at hiding things from children... they just didn’t want you to worry.” She said softly._

_“NO!!! I know we have money!” he growled and held squirrely tighter. He wanted to cry, but he also didn’t want to cry in front of Mrs. Turner. “I’m really smart for my age!! Don’t give me the baby talk! I’m not a baby!” he snapped and stomped his foot on the ground. He was silent for a very long time and then he swallowed hard, “they’re not coming back are they...?” he whispered so quietly._

_Mrs. Turner’s heart broke even more and she shook her head slowly, “I don’t think so, no...” she brought him into a tight hug._

_He didn’t know what to do! He had nowhere to go so he couldn’t pull away and run... he just had to accept the hug, something he never ever received... his mind was spinning because his parents left him and they didn’t even say goodbye! All those years of being ‘busy’ they weren’t busy they just didn’t want him! Why didn’t they want him! He had done everything to please them and he loved them unconditionally! He thought that they loved him too and they would do anything for him, but now here he was at an orphanage because his parents didn’t want him!_

_He started sobbing in Mrs. Turner’s arms and clinging to squirrely. He didn’t understand! He didn’t understand anything and for the first time in his life he felt so alone... he didn’t like that feeling at all and it hurt so badly._

_Mrs. Turner swallowed and picked him up, “Hey... why don’t we go meet the other children, yeah? And then I can show you to your room...”_

_John nodded slowly and wrapped his small arms around her neck. John met a couple of children, but he wasn’t willing to talk. Mrs. Turner recognised this and sighed he would come out when he was ready, but he just experienced something traumatic. She slowly walked up to his new room and set John down on the bed. “I know it may be a bit scary and sad now, but I promise that this place is really nice once you get used to it.” she knew that that was the worst advice ever... this young boy just got kicked out of his home! Of course it wasn’t going to get better, but she vowed to always be there for him just like she was with the other children. She sighed, stood up a little bit, and ruffled his hair. “John meet your new roommates James Moriarty and Sebastian Moran.” She smiled._

_John looked them over and pouted more. They were only infants and couldn’t even talk! That would mean they would cry in the middle of the night and he would have to deal with that. He grumbled and curled up into a ball and tried to sleep._

John clenched his gun tightly at the memory. He was visibly shaking and he shouldn’t have let his mind wander. He’d been doing that a lot recently and he hated it.

“John....” a voice said a bit nervously.

John was snapped out of his thoughts and looked at the figure that entered the room. He was about to tell him off for not calling him ‘sir’, but he realised that it was Mike. He relaxed some, but still had a tight hold and his gun because was angry and hurt about the memory he relived. “Ah, Mike!” he stood up and then threw the gun at Mike.

Mike blinked rapidly, “umm why have you thrown this at me...?” He frowned as he watched John shred off his Westwood jacket, take off his button down shirt, and then walked over to the tile. He didn’t understand why John was getting half naked, but Mike didn’t understand a lot of things John did so he never questioned anything.

John smirked and looked at him, “alright... now shoot me! Left shoulder!” he hummed.

Mike blinked some more and shifted, “umm, sir... I don’t know if this is a test or something, but I really don’t feel comfortable shooting you...” he swallowed. He honestly hated telling John ‘no’, but he really didn’t want to shoot John.

John growled, “It isn’t a test!! I want you to shoot me!” he snapped.

Mike swallowed hard and aimed the gun, “what happens if I miss...”

John pursed his lips, “well then, I’ll die a rich, successful man.” He rolled his eyes. “Come on! Get on with it!” He was angry and he knew that this was something he needed to do... it was better to do it now when he was angry, than to do it when he was not. Mike just stood there are John growled more, “GET ON WITH IT!!!!” He screamed and then the sound of a gunshot filled the air. John stumbled back on the impact and frowned a bit. He looked down at his shoulder and blinked as he watched the blood pour out of his body. Strange... it didn’t hurt at- “MOTHER OF FUCKING GOD YOU SHOT ME IN THE FUCKING SHOULDER!!” ah, there it was. He screamed out in pain as he collapsed to the ground.

Mike panicked and ran to him quickly, “I’m sorry!! You told me to! I- This is my fault... tell me what you need.”

John growled a bit and then groaned. He flew his hand up to his shoulder and clenched it tightly to apply pressure. “Oh you know... a cuppa would be fantastic!” He groaned and when Mike stood up to leave, probably to go get the tea, he groaned more and rolled his eyes. “NOT REALLY!!”

Mike swallowed and knelt back down, “right... sorry, sir.” He chewed on his lip and just sort of stared at the whimpering John. He didn’t know what he wanted... “We umm... we need to get the bullet out...”

“WHAT FUCKING BULLET!! IT WENT STRAIGHT THROUGH YOU PILLOCK!” John screamed in pain and whimpered.

Mike looked at the wall and sure enough the bullet was in there. He swallowed hard and tried to think of what else to do but he honestly had no idea and there was so much blood!

John gasped a bit and his eyes felt heavy, “If you don’t do something quickly I’m going to die and then I most certainly haunt you for all eternity for killing me.” He snapped and then closed his eyes. Oh yes, sleep felt very good at the moment.

Mike flailed, stood up abruptly, and ran out of the room. Luckily they had a doctor and nurse on the staff and he would go get them for John... he didn’t like the idea of leaving John alone, but he had no other choice. He grabbed the nurse and doctor and by the time they got back to John he had passed out. Truthfully it was probably better that way... a quiet John was always a better John.

~O~

John woke up a day later in his bed. His bed was giant and made of the softest sheets he ever had the pleasure to touch. John loved his bed more than anything and it was actually the only reason he ever actually slept. He groaned a bit, slowly opened his eyes, and saw Mike sitting in one of his chairs in the corner of the room.

Mike heard movement and he looked up immediately, “oh my god! You’re awake!!” he stood up and wandered over to the bed.

“And you seem to have stayed with me... you really didn’t need to.” He frowned some and pursed his lips.

“John, I was the one that shot you! Of course I needed to stay!” He sighed and sat at the edge of the bed.

“You know if you start calling me by my real name on a regular basis people might talk.” He smirked a bit.

“I bet you would like that, wouldn’t you?” Mike smirked as well.

John sighed heavily and shook his head; “you know I can’t feel things...” he swallowed hard and looked away.

Mike swallowed and looked down at his feet, “No, suppose you can’t... or maybe you just haven’t opened yourself to the right person.”

John narrowed his eyes and glared at Mike, “right! And who the fuck is going to love me for me? I would have to hide who I really am my whole entire life and I’m sorry, but I would never stoop so low as to lie to my own partner. They should know everything about me and I should know everything about them.”

Mike shook his head, “I’m not saying you have to find someone... especially if you don’t want to, but I’m saying don’t tell yourself you can’t feel things because I know you can... and I know you care for your staff... you’re good to them, mostly.”

John scoffed, “they all hate me if you haven’t noticed.”

“That’s because they don’t know how much you give them... you put up a front when they are around you and most of them are terrified... in fact I don’t think you open up to anyone besides me and I think you’re really going to struggle when you go live with Sherlock because you can’t hide yourself and you know that... you also hate when people don’t call you ‘sir’ and you blow a gasket. I’ve seen it more times than I would like to admit. You hate being wrong, but you’re going to have to be wrong a lot when you’re with him... and John I really don’t think living with him is going to be a good idea... he’s going to pick you apart and you’ll have to stand there and take it... not only that, but you’ll have to tell him that what he did was amazing and brilliant and extraordinary.” He sighed, “I think you should rethink this...”

John growled at him because he knew all of that stuff already and he also knew he was going to be fine! Sherlock wouldn’t pick apart his life he would pick apart the life he was going to make up for himself so it wouldn’t hurt... “I’ll be fine!” He snapped.

Mike sighed and shook his head, “right... because you’re always fine, yeah?” he bit his lip when John just glared daggers at him. “Just do me a favour...” He took a deep breath, “don’t... don’t get invested...”

John's eyes widened and then he snarled a bit, “are you suggesting that I’ll actually fall for this bloke?” he snapped.

Mike pursed his lips, “I’m just saying don’t let that happen.”

John pushed Mike off the bed, but instantly regretted it when pain shot through his shoulder. “Get. Out! I would never in a million years fall for Sherlock Holmes!” He snapped.

Mike swallowed, “John, all I’m—“

“GET OUT!!!!” He screamed. Mike nodded and snapped his mouth shut. He swallowed hard and quickly left the room.

~O~

One month later John was ready for action. He smirked at Mike and put on his blue and white chequered button down shirt with his coat, some jeans, and his brown shoes. He grabbed his cane and barely touched his hair. Just brushed it to the side a bit, which killed John because he was used to wearing it slicked back. He turned around and smiled at Mike as he leaned heavily on his cane, “well... how do I look?”

Mike smiled brightly, “practically unrecognisable...” He hummed. “It’s rather amazing actually... so you ready to go?”

John nodded and smiled. He picked up his cane because there was no use pretending to hobble now... They climbed into Mike’s car and Mike drove them to the hospital. They both climbed out and Mike brought John to the Lab and put his hand on the door. “Ready?” he whispered quickly.

John gave a slight jerk of his head as a nod and then they pushed inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooooo next chapter is the meeting! bow chicka wow ow... 
> 
> i really just post random shit in these notes.. but i entertain myself... if i entertain you or bug you, you should comment and tell me...
> 
> personally i never read the informative notes, but if someone else was doing this i would read the shite out of them...
> 
> also that NOT REALLY line john said totes reminds me of greggles when sherlock and john were in the jail cell together.
> 
> also if you just stumbled upon this story you should check out my other story!!! TULIPS OF LOVE!! just click on my name and you will find it, but actually i know you are all lazy arses so here you go...
> 
> www.archiveofourown.org/works/1000193
> 
> yep... i definitely have that link memorised... ummmmmmmmmmmm 
> 
> *gets all awkward because i had some informative stuff to say*
> 
> IF YOU LIKE THIS PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, AND OR KUDOS!!!
> 
> UNTIL NEXT TIME BITCHES!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Sherlock meet! Tender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HEY IT'S ME AGAIN! 
> 
> what do you care? You don't you're just here for the story.
> 
> usually I have loads to talk about, but I'm tired and listening to a johnlock playlist and I'm going to go cry....
> 
> ok bbbbyyyyyyyeee!

John put on a face as him and Mike walked into the room. He looked around and smirked a bit, “Well, bit different from my day.” He muttered under his breath.

Thankfully, Mike joined in and chuckled a bit, “You’ve no idea.”

John's brain was just spinning because Sherlock was standing right in front of him, in the flesh! It was ridiculous yet brilliant at the same time.

“Mike, can I borrow your phone?” Sherlock said without looking up.

Mike glanced at John who shook his head once. He looked back at Sherlock and shook his head, “Sorry, mate. I left it in my office...”

John pulled his fake one out and bounced it in his hands a bit, “You can use mine if you need...” John watched in amazement as Sherlock blinked in utter shock. He could tell that Sherlock was confused, but he shook it off and stood up.

“Oh, well thank you...” He walked over and snatched the phone before smirking a bit as he typed away, “Afghanistan or Iraq?” He hummed without looking up.

John had to force everything in his power to not grin like a madman. This was actually working! He wanted to grin... He wanted to grin so bad because he knew it was amazing to be experiencing this, but instead he frowned a bit and furrowed his brow. “Sorry..?”

Sherlock sighed impatiently and John could tell he was just resisting the urge to roll his eyes, “Which is it? Afghanistan or Iraq?”

“Afghanistan... And how did you know that?” He smirked even though he most definitely knew and he would get to hear the deduction process in action. He was thrumming in anticipation, but just as Sherlock opened his mouth to speak Molly walked in. John wanted to growl, but instead he just clenched his hand against his cane a bit tighter.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow at that, but waved it off and handed John's phone back. He was probably angry with Sherlock's forwardness or he was just in pain, “Ah, Molly, coffee. Thank you.” He smiled some as he grabbed the coffee and turned around. He took a sip and grimaced because Molly’s coffee making skills were horrid, but he needed the caffeine. He had been up for three straight days and he was hoping he would be able to go to sleep tonight. He was so close to solving his current case. He went back to his microscope and then peered into the top, “How do you feel about the violin?”

John blinked a bit and frowned, was he talking to him? That was certainly not what he was expecting to come out of Sherlock's mouth, “I’m sorry, what?”

Sherlock didn’t look up when he answered John, “I play the violin when I’m thinking. Sometimes I don’t talk for days...” He paused and hesitated a bit as he looked at John finally, “Would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other.”

John wanted to grin so badly and yell at the top of his lungs, but he held his ground. Oh yes, Sherlock was definitely brilliant, “And who said anything about being flatmates?” he raised an eyebrow.

Sherlock hummed and stood up, “I did. I was talking to Mike this morning about how my flatmate just left me and how it would most likely take me months to find another one... I can be a rather difficult man to live with, but now here he is just after lunch with an old friend, who clearly just came home from his military services in Afghanistan and needed a flat share... it really wasn’t that difficult of a leap.”

John sighed, “Yes, and how did you know about Afghanistan?” Come on! Come on! Show me how brilliant you are!

Sherlock ignored him though as he wrapped his scarf around his neck, “Got my eye on a nice little place in central London. Together we should be able to afford it.”

Ha! I could afford it by myself thank you very much.

“We’ll meet there tomorrow evening; seven o’clock. Sorry, I’ve got to dash... I think I may have left my riding crop in the mortuary...” He frowned a bit and headed for the door.

“Is that it then?” John raised an eyebrow.

“Is what it then?” He frowned and stopped.

“We don’t know a thing about each other; I don’t know where we are meeting; I don’t even know your name.” He grumbled and narrowed his eyes a bit. Deduce me, you twat!

Sherlock paused and narrowed his eyes a bit and then stepped closer with his head cocked to the side. “I know you’re an Army doctor and you’ve been invalided home from Afghanistan. I know you’ve got a brother who’s worried about you but you won’t go to him for help because you don’t approve of him – possibly because he’s an alcoholic; more likely because he recently walked out on his wife. And I know that your therapist thinks your limp’s psychosomatic – quite correctly, I’m afraid.”

John’s breath caught in his throat and he swallowed as he shifted on his cane. He looked away for a second, all for the act of course, but on the inside he was screaming because Sherlock had picked up every single thing that john had fed him and that was such an amazing thing to witness.

“That’s enough to be going on, don’t you think?” He hummed and walked to the door where he opened it and started walking out. He stopped and poked his head back in where he smirked at john, “The names Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221B Baker Street.” He clicked his mouth and winked at John before nodding, “Afternoon!” and with that he left.

John waited for a full minute before he looked at Mike and broke out into a wide grin, “Did you fucking see that? That was amazing!!!” He snickered and spun his cane around a bit. “I cannot wait for tomorrow! Ready to go home?” he hummed.

Mike took a sharp breath and nodded, “Yep.” John might not be able to see what was about to happen, but Mike could and it about broke his heart. He had never seen John so happy before and Sherlock was the cause of that… he shook his head and walked out with John.

~O~

John stood outside the door of 221B Baker Street and waited for Sherlock. He was actually a bit worried he wasn’t going to show up and then what the hell would John do? But before he could doubt it anymore Sherlock climbed out of the cab and John grinned.

“Afternoon, Mr. Holmes,” John smiled happily as Sherlock took off his glove and then reached forward to shake John's hand.

“Oh, please.” He smiled brightly as his hand slid into John's, “Call me Sherlock and its rather night than afternoon, isn’t it?” he hummed and smirked as he pulled away and went to go knock on the door.

John stood there happily and looked at Sherlock. God, he was something else, “So... How did you find this place?” He wanted to talk to him, get to know his weaknesses.

“The Landlady owes me a favour... back in Florida about eight years ago I helped her out with her husband’s execution.” He hummed.

John wanted to roll his eyes because of course a goody two shoes like Sherlock would help someone out who was supposed to be on death row, “So you stopped the execution?” He asked a bit with his eyes wide.

Sherlock got in evil little glint in his eye and John wondered if this man had a small dark side, “Oh no, John... I ensured it.” He hummed.

John about choked on air, but managed to keep a calm face. Thankfully, the attention was diverted off of him because the door had opened up and an older woman was standing there squealing and hugging Sherlock. He had not been expecting Sherlock to say that and the fact that Sherlock did was incredibly surprising. He imagined Sherlock to be someone who would cry themselves to sleep at night if someone died and he couldn’t ‘save’ them. He acted like he didn’t give a shit on the telly, sure, but John thought that that was just an act... Maybe he didn’t know everything he thought he did about this man after all.

Sherlock spoke with the lady for a while and then they were being ushered inside. Apparently her name was Mrs. Hudson and she seemed rather nice. He was glad he didn’t have to kill her because he hated killing old people... He would do it when he had to, but he hated it and there was no satisfaction in it. John Watson was a man of torture. He loved the feeling of blood rushing over his hands and getting all over his body, in his hair, on his suits, the smell of metallic, the taste of copper when it splattered onto his lips. He loved hearing the screams and begs and he loved playing god. He got to choose whether they lived or died and he always chose the latter. Always. But he would never do that to the elderly... It hurt too much and he was pretty sure he had Mrs. Turner to thank for that. He did kill them because money was money and he wasn’t going to be labelled as some weakling because he didn’t off an elder, but he wouldn’t torture them. Always clean and fast and quick so that they never felt a thing.

John knew he was messed up and he knew he had a problem. It kept him awake most nights in all honesty because the smell and taste of blood should not be something that he got off on, but he did. It wasn’t something anyone, but mental people got off on and that made him feel broken. Growing up was hard because he felt so lost with the things he felt and the things he wanted to do, but he couldn’t help feel this way. It was like an itch and it wouldn’t go away unless he gave into it, so he compromised... He only tortured and killed people that other people wanted dead, granted it wasn’t a good compromise, but it was a compromise nonetheless.

They walked inside and John wrinkled his nose, “Bit messy...” John was used to his place being spotless. He hated messes and he was glad his character was from the army because that could explain his slight OCD for messes...

Sherlock swallowed and started picking up piles of papers and just putting them in another spot that didn’t help the cleanliness factor at all. “Yes, well, I can- umm- clean it up a bit.” He nodded and smiled at John.

John couldn’t help but smile a bit because the fact that Sherlock was trying to make a friend was really endearing to him... of course he would regret that decision in the end, but John would let him have his moment. He limped over to the mantel and peered at all of the random objects. He smirked when he saw a real human skull because he had a human skull in his bedroom. It was from his first killing and though he probably shouldn’t have taken it he did.

“Oh! That’s a friend!” Sherlock grinned brightly and then winced because John would now think he was mental!! “Well... I say friend.” He gave a slight smile and swallowed... it didn’t exactly clear the awkwardness, but it was better than Sherlock stating that that was basically his only friend.

John smirked a bit when Sherlock wasn’t looking, he walked over to the red chair, and sat down. He took everything in around the flat and even though it was small it could be very nice. He might get anxiety with the mess, but he could clean it. The thought almost killed him because he hadn’t had to pick up a mess in years... ever since his parents dropped him off at the orphanage Mrs. Turner always did it and then he had servants and maids for the messes he made now... Although, if it was any consolation, John didn’t make messes because he hated them so much, but he was living a different life for the moment and he supposed he could deal with it for a short period of time.

John slowly stood up and walked about the flat more when Mrs. Hudson appeared, “Well, since there’s two of you, there’s another bedroom upstairs if you’ll be needing it.” She hummed and smirked at Sherlock who flushed.

Ah, so he is gay... or not. It would still need a bit of research because if he wasn’t into men this would make his task a lot harder, but so far God seemed to be on his side. John frowned and cocked his head to the side. He furrowed his brows in confusion, “Of course we’ll be needing two...”

“Oh! Don’t even worry about it! We’ve got all sorts ‘round here and Mrs. Turner next door’s got married ones!” She hummed happily.

John froze a bit and he really hoped it didn’t show... he didn’t really hear anything she said after ‘Mrs. Turner’, but she seemed to keep talking. He wandered over and sat down again as his brain whirled with thought... surely it couldn’t be the same one could it? He was over reacting because there was probably many ‘Turners’ in the world. He sighed and shook his head to clear his thoughts just as Sherlock was jumping up and down. John blinked rapidly because he was jumping around the room in an excited fashion and John wondered what he could have possibly missed...

John just stared at him blankly and Sherlock sighed, “Four suicides and now a note! Oh, this Is Christmas! Brilliant!” He flailed around and grabbed his coat and scarf.

A silver haired man came into the room and he and Sherlock talked back and forth about some bloke named Anderson, but John wasn’t really paying that much attention. Before he knew what was happening the silver man left and Sherlock was running out the door, “Mrs. Hudson I won’t be home until later! John don’t wait up.” He hummed and then was out of the flat.

Mrs. Hudson smiled, “I’ll make you tea, dear, but just remember that this is a onetime thing... I’m not your house keeper, but you should rest your leg.”

“DAMN MY LEG!” He growled and then blinked. His leg didn’t even hurt... he was surprised at how easy it was to fall into character and then stay there. He slowly stood up and then Sherlock rounded on him from absolutely no where. He frowned, “I thought you left...”

“Yes, well, forgot my... gloves.” He lied and quickly held up his gloves.

John wanted to smirk because he knew Sherlock was lying, but Army John wouldn’t have known so he kept a blank face. “Ah, those are important...”

Sherlock hummed and nodded, “You’re a Doctor. In fact you’re an Army doctor. Any good?” He pursed his lips and stepped closer.

John imagined that if he had ever actually joined the army he would be very good so he nodded once and straightened his body, “ _Very_ good.”

Sherlock made a sound in the back of his throat, “So you’ve seen a lot of injuries, then; violent deaths.”

John swallowed because that part was true... he’d seen tons of violent deaths the only difference was, was that he was the cause of them all, “Of course, yes. Enough for a lifetime. Far too much,” However, that statement was false because John definitely didn’t think it was far too much... not for him anyway.

Sherlock smirked at him and he wondered just what he had gotten himself into, “Wanna see some more?”

John’s heart fluttered and he didn’t know why, but he thought that it was because of the fact that Sherlock probably didn’t go inviting random strangers to investigate a crime scene with him. “Oh God, yes!” He nodded quickly and then limped after Sherlock. Sherlock hailed them a cab and they both climbed in. It was silent for a while until Sherlock spoke up again. John was so surprised because John felt like Sherlock wasn’t one to just randomly start conversations and although he did start it with, “Alright, you’ve got questions.” John felt like in normal circumstances Sherlock wouldn’t be one to care if they had questions or not and that made him feel special. He told himself that this was just purely for work, but there was a tug pulling him towards Sherlock and he tried to push that away. He was just fascinated that was all.

Sherlock deduced everything perfectly – well it would have been perfect had it been true, but it was exactly what John wanted him to say so it was perfect. He was amazed and soon they arrived to the abandoned house where a lady and a man tormented Sherlock... John actually felt bad and swallowed because it reminded him of himself when he was in school and at the orphanage, but he pushed the thought down and soon they were inside.

Sherlock deduced everything about the woman currently lying dead on the floor and John pretended to be amazed. Though he was a bit proud that he was able to deduce it a bit faster than Sherlock... well that wasn’t really fair now was it? No, it wasn’t considering the fact that he was behind this whole scheme. He already knew everything before they even arrived at the place and before the police had come to Sherlock. Before he walked to Baker Street that night and before he even met Sherlock yesterday. He had been planning this ever since Sebastian had called him. So he supposed that in retrospect he didn’t actually deduce it before Sherlock because he already knew it.

Of course, this wasn’t his normal way to kill people... He wasn’t the one doing it, there was no torture, just words and a pill and then they were gone, but they were people that were wanted dead so thankfully he wasn’t breaking his rule. He had to sponsor someone and that was rather annoying because yes, he was getting paid, but then he would just have to give the money to the twat that was working for him! Which was stupid because he was just going to die, but he claimed the money was going to his kids so he supposed that that was acceptable.

He was lost in thought and then Sherlock was running out of the door yelling something about pink and John was so lost... He followed Sherlock and peered over the edge as Sherlock was tugging on his hair explaining everything and then John growled a bit under his breath once Sherlock was gone because the fucking cabby made a mistake! He wasn’t paying the cabby to sit on his lazy arse and do nothing! He was paying him to make sure nothing was out of place and that Sherlock wouldn’t find him, but apparently that was too hard for the poor little man with an aneurism.

He grumbled to himself and hobbled down the stairs because if he didn’t hobble someone would see and then his cover would be blown and he was not having that! Although, he really did hate this limp so he was really hoping something exciting and dangerous would happen soon so that he could ‘forget’ about it.

He walked outside and hobbled down the street because Sherlock, the bastard that he is, left him! He turned the corner and just thought about not limping anymore because he didn’t have Sherlock to see him, but thought better of it because someone else could be watching – someone was always watching. He limped down the street when all of a sudden a bag was getting thrown over his head and he was being shoved into the car, “Oi! Watch it! Let go of me!” he growled as the door slammed shut and peeled away.

“Not a chance,” a woman’s voice smirked, “You have some explaining to do, _Doctor_ Watson,” she hummed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooooooo John's in trouble! I have like seven thousand and one fics to write... umm I'm going to go watch Fargo now... Maybe Tinker Taylor Soldier Spies... Or perhaps Hot Fuzz... well fuck.
> 
> I still havent written the next chapter of Tulips and people who read this in one hundred years will be like 'well it's up now!' and this line will just be pointless...
> 
> people are going to read my johnlock fics when I'm famous and then I'll be on The Graham Norton Show and he will show this exact line that I'm writing now and I will just cry.
> 
> I'll probs forget about the notes and he'll just stubble upon this and laugh because I have a giant obsession with him and his show and johnlock...
> 
> #NeverMissedAnEpisodeOfGraham and if I was ever on that show I could die a happy person.
> 
> fuck I'm getting carried away... well hope you enjoyed my story! 
> 
> DEUCES!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are slowly starting to fall into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sings* I've been neglecting this one forever okay!!!!
> 
> anyway i'm back bitches and i'm super sick. ughhhhhh someone save me! bah bah bah.
> 
> ANYBODY HERE SHIP RUMBELLE BECAUSE DAMN I JUST CRY

John growled from under the sack that was on his head, “I don’t have to explain shit! Why the hell are you even kidnapping me?” He growled and thrashed around a bit.

Small hands landed on his arms and tried to get him to stop thrashing, “oh calm down! Someone just wants to ask you a couple of questions.” She hummed softly.

“Then why the fuck do I have a bag over my head!” He snapped.

“So you can’t see where we are going!” She hummed happily. She was a very cheerful lady and that made John rather angry. He didn’t know why...

He grumbled to himself and didn’t say another word because there was nothing to say. Soon they were where he was supposed to go and he was pushed out of the car. He growled a bit because they could have at least been gentle with him. They pulled the bag off of his head and John blinked a few time to regain his eyesight back. He saw a man leaning on an umbrella with a chair in the centre of the room. The chair wasn’t for umbrella man so it must be for him... ha! There was no way in hell he was using that!

He limped to the centre of the room and gave a slight smile, “Can I help you?”

Umbrella man hummed and leaned against his umbrella, “Oh, you most certainly can. You seemed to have moved in with one Sherlock Holmes. Is that correct?” He raised an eyebrow.

John nodded once and glared at him, “What? Are you some sick fan of his?”

The man hummed and nodded, “Oh, yes! I suppose you could say I’m his biggest fan, but unfortunately for me he would think of us as enemies – archenemies if you will.”

John rolled his eyes, “Personally I don’t think archenemies exist in real life.”

“Oh, Doctor Watson, I assure you they do,” he hummed and then narrowed his eyes, “but then again... you’re not a doctor.”

“And you’re not his archenemy,” John smirked and rolled his eyes.

“Not from my end, no, but from Sherlock's he likes to think we are,” he sighed. “He does like to be dramatic,” he hummed.

John wanted to throttle the man, “Oh, I already know that.”

“And yet it’s only been a day... might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?” The strange man cocked his head to the side.

“One can only hope,” John smirked in a way that was joking, but he wasn’t really joking because he needed Sherlock to develop feelings for him... if not Sebastian might kill John himself out of spite... though he wouldn’t ever succeed. Still, it would be a tedious affair that he did not wish to involve himself with.

Mycroft's face hardened and his hand clenched on the umbrella, “So who are you really?”

John dropped the mask because he knew that this man already knew his secret, “Oh and I’m guessing that you looked me up and realised that there are no records of me ever being in the military.”

“Mm, quite right. So I ask you again... who are you?” He narrowed his eyes and growled.

John smirked and stepped forward, “See the thing is... you people like to be dramatic. You like to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and you like to mess with other people’s business when really you should have stayed out of it.” He growled.

The man laughed and smirked some, “You think I’m afraid of you?”

John laughed slightly and shook his head, “No, but I think you should be.” John dropped his cane and in one swift motion reached for the gun that he carried in the back of his trousers. He spun around and shot the two people in the car so they fell dead. He sighed and frowned a bit, “Pity... I was going to ask that woman out on a date.” He sighed and turned back to the man with an umbrella.

Mycroft's eyes were wide and he swallowed thickly. Why oh why was he so stupid! This was one of the few times he hadn’t called for backup because he honestly didn’t think he needed it! In all honesty he thought that John just lied about the military for a simple reason. Looking back now he realised that that was a rather stupid thought, but this man looked like he couldn’t hurt a fly. He just looked like a depressed middle aged man trying to fit in, oh how wrong he was. He tried to remain calm, but he was pretty sure his face was slipping.

John pointed the gun at the frightened man and smirked evilly, “What’s your name and why did you involve yourself in mine and Sherlock's business?” He raised an eyebrow.

The man opened his mouth, but nothing came out so he cleared his throat and opened it again, “Mycroft Holmes...”

John’s eyes widened and he grinned, “OH! Oh! So you’re the big brother that looks after him even though he doesn’t want it – how fascinating!”

Mycroft was knew he was in trouble and he was starting to panic. He saw no way out of this and that terrified him.

“Oh, calm down because I’m not going to kill you.” He huffed, “I have more class than that!”

“If you don’t kill me you do realise I can just go tell Sherlock you’re a killer, right?” He swallowed and calmed down a bit.

John rolled his eyes, “Okay firstly you’re an idiot... are you sure you’re related to him? Secondly, I’m an assassin. There is a difference between just killing people because I feel like it and killing people because someone hired you, though I suppose normal people don’t see it like that.” He sighed and shook his head, “And thirdly, I’m going to immobilise you and then you’ll be taken back to my mansion and locked away.” He hummed.

Mycroft shook his head, “He’ll catch you, you won’t get away with it.”

John laughed loudly and rolled his eyes again, “Answer me a question, please?” He waited until Mycroft nodded slowly and then he began, “How many times has Sherlock had an unsolved case?”

Mycroft pursed his lips as he slowly reached for his phone. He needed help out of this situation and it would only take one press of the button. He was hoping he was doing it discreetly enough so that John couldn’t see, but of course he was wrong.

John screamed and shot his hand, sending the phone scattering across the room. Mycroft screamed out in pain, “ANSWER THE QUESTION!” John screamed and his chest heaved.

Mycroft swallowed hard and thought about it, “Fifty-three unsolved cases...” He whispered and held his hand.

John smirked, “Oh, that’s brilliant!” He snickered to himself, “All of those cases were my doing!” He spat. “So actually I think I will get away with this.” He grinned darkly and then walked over to Mycroft and began tying him up to the chair with some rope he found on the ground. Mycroft's phone was busted so he knew he couldn’t contact help anymore.

John’s mobile buzzed for the third time and frankly Mycroft was getting annoyed with it, “Are you going to answer that?!”

John sighed, “Nope, not until you’re taken care of.” He growled and then hit Mycroft across then head with the butt of his gun, making him pass out. He took out his phone and sent a quick text to Mike saying how he needed him to come clean up the mess he made and where he was. He then looked at Sherlock's texts and sighed.

He patted Mycroft on the head and then limped back to Baker Street whistling.

~O~

John walked into the Baker Street and sighed, “So, what is it you needed then?”

“Oh!” Sherlock’s eyes flew opened and he smiled, “Can I borrow your phone?”

John sighed and shook his head as he handed Sherlock his phone, “Of course that is what you needed.” And for the rest of the night they went on with the case. Dinner was vital and he finally got his chance to ditch the cane. He was so thankful for that, but then Sherlock managed to get kidnapped and John thought he could strangle the man. Instead he managed to save Sherlock's life and he most definitely didn’t miss the fact that his eyes lit up and he smiled just a bit brighter.

~O~

Weeks passed and things started to fall into a routine for them. They solved cases, went out to eat, and watched crap telly together. On days when they didn’t have a case John would make Sherlock clean his messes or they would take a walk together. He would listen to Sherlock play his violin at three in the morning and everything just felt like... home... and that terrified him.

He was currently sitting on the couch staring at his phone when Sherlock came into the room and plopped down in his chair, “Bored!” He groaned.

John looked up and smiled softly, “Aren’t you always? Why don’t we go for a walk?”

Sherlock started to whine, but then suddenly grinned and bolted to his bedroom.

“I take that as a yes then.” John said under his breath and smiled. While Sherlock was gone he slipped his work phone into his pocket and waited for Sherlock to emerge.

Sherlock eventually came out of his bedroom and smiled softly, “Ready?”

John nodded and together they walked out and went to the park. Sherlock had a blast... John did as well and that was the problem... wasn’t it. He wouldn’t admit to himself that he was falling in love with this man though... he couldn’t because he needed to kill him. He sighed and kept walking, but then Sherlock slowly decided to take his hand. John’s heart lurched up to his throat and he couldn’t speak.

Sherlock acted like nothing happened. He just kept walking and looking around and John never wanted to let go. However, his phone started ringing and he cursed under his breath. “One moment,” He gave him an apologetic smile and walked away from Sherlock. He leaned up against a tree and answered it.

“John Watson.” He answered.

Mike was on the other line and he sounded frantic, “John you need to come back right now...”

“Are you fucking serious? I think you may have picked possibly the worst time in the history of times to pick!”

“John!” He snapped and he didn’t care what John would do to him for that. This was important, “It’s Mycroft... He called someone and I don’t know how... But you need to come down.”

He clenched his jaw and then hung up. He did need to leave. He swallowed hard and went back to Sherlock, “Hey...”

“Everything okay?” He asked as he raised an eyebrow.

“Actually, no... Listen... I’ll be home for dinner, alright?” He smiled softly.

Sherlock's face fell a bit, but he nodded, “Alright.”

John smiled tightly and then ran towards the street and hailed a cab. He climbed in and had it take him to the place where he parked his car and then he went to his mansion. He walked through the doors and grinned slightly at the familiarity of it. As soon as he walked in though Mike practically ambushed him, “He’s in the basement. How’s Sherlock taking it?” He asked as they walked to John’s room so he could change.

“He’s heartbroken... though he tries not to show it and he’s starting to find comfort in me.” He said some as he sifted through his closet, looking for a reasonable suit to wear. He started to strip and Mike sighed.

“Sebastian called today. He wants to know how much longer it’s going to be...”

John’s jaw clenched slightly as he pulled his trousers up, “It’s not time yet!”

Mike nodded slowly and opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it and didn’t.

Soon John was dressed in one of his many thousand pound suits. He hummed and left the room going down to the basement, “Ah, hello Mr. Holmes.”

Mycroft growled, “Hello, John. You look different then the last time I saw you.”

“Ohhh, I like to think that suits make a big difference. Those jumpers are ghastly, though, I’m starting to grow fond of them.” He smiled some and knelt down so that he was eye level with Mycroft.

Mycroft was tied up to the wall and was being forced to kneel.

“How are the knees?” He asked softly as he grabbed Mycroft’s chin with his hand.

Mycroft glared at him and then spat in his face, instead of answering him.

John growled and then slammed his head against the wall and stood up, “A bit feisty are we?” He hissed as Mike handed him a handkerchief. He brought it up to his face and wiped the spit off.

“They’re on their way! They’ll find me!”

“Tell me... Who is going to find you Mycroft? Who is coming? Because your dear, heartbroken brother can’t even find you. It makes him feel like a failure. How does that make big brother feel?” He smirked.

Mycroft’s jaw clenched and he stared at the ground, “He’ll catch onto you sooner or later!”

“Oh, I don’t think so... See he’s not going to find out about who I am until I want him to... and once he knows it will be too late for him. I’m going to tear his heart right out of his chest and big brother won’t be able to save him this time, but then of course I’ll come back here and take care of you... so I suppose you two will be together again soon. Ugh, Gag.”

Mycroft’s eyes widened, “Oh my god....” He whispered.

John blinked rapidly and frowned, “Did you honestly think you were getting out alive? I mean... really?”

“No, I knew I was going to die... You’re in love with him...”

John’s eyes hardened and his jaw clenched, “I’m really not.”

“You are.... you can’t deny that John, no matter how hard you are trying to. You don’t have to do this, John... Let me go and I won’t arrest you... I’ll let you live with him and I will take care of whoever is asking you to do this job.”

John barked out a laugh and kicked him in the stomach, “No one is asking me to do this!!” He lied. “I’ve wanted to kill your brother for some time now! I’m just finally now acting upon it!” He hissed.

Mycroft groaned, “Why are you covering up for them? I can help you... you can be with him...” He swallowed hard. “You told me that there is a difference between killers and assassins... Killers kill for fun... you only kill because you get paid... You wouldn’t do this if you weren’t getting paid. I know it.”

“You don’t know shit!” He screamed and kicked him again.  “Let’s just say I owed myself a personal favour.” He growled. He turned towards Mike and then stormed out of the room. He was pissed and he just wanted to go back home to Sherlock.

Mike grabbed his arm once they got to the top of the stairs and John turned around a punched him in the face. He groaned and shook it off, “I deserved that, but John... you didn’t find out who he sent to save him.”

“That’s because he sent no one, you fuckwit!” He snapped, “He lied to you.”

“But... why..?” He frowned slightly.

John wanted to punch him again, “To get me here so he could talk to me and try to convince me to not go through with it!”

“So you don’t actually love him...” He whispered.

“OF COURSE NOT!!!!” He screamed.

“Because John... you do realise you can’t... Sebastian will kill you.” He said slowly.

“I’d like to see him try.” He said gravely and then went back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn john is one sassy motherfucker. i actually love the fact that john is so evil someone save me.
> 
> JoKe Of ThE cHaPtEr:  
> Q: Why aren't our noses 12 inches long?
> 
> A: Because then they would be a foot!!!!!!
> 
> OH MY GOSH IT'S SO FUNNYYYY AHAHAHYA okay i need to sleep this sickness is getting to my brain.
> 
> DEUCES BITCHES!


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright peeps! In the end notes there will be warnings for the chapters ahead, but they are also spoiler warnings!! So if you don't care about warnings and don't want to be spoiled then you can skip the end notes! (:
> 
> Well this one is a hella long chapter and i have taken up to writing them on my phone while i'm on break at walmart omfg!! XD I hate writing them on my phone because then i have to email them to myself and edit them on the computer, but hey! If it gets the job done right? 
> 
> ........oh walmart.... haha...
> 
> anyway guys!!! You'll be pleased to know i am going to try out for the voice! I was going to do it in Feb. but that's just too soon... so 2016 babes!
> 
> Tender.
> 
> okay! Enjoy the chapter!

A week later and Sherlock hadn’t made another move. John decided that he wouldn’t make any move at all because than it would be so much more painful when the inevitable happened. However, he couldn’t help but be upset that Sherlock hadn’t tried anything else. He couldn’t blame the man though... Right when he had grabbed his hand John had left him. If that didn’t scream rejection he honestly didn’t know what did, but that was the thing... it wasn’t rejection it was just impeccably bad timing.

John knew he had to start getting a move on things, but he didn’t think Sherlock was ready yet... However, the problem was, was that Sherlock was ready and John _knew_ that... he just didn’t want to end this... he didn’t want to break Sherlock like he said he would so he was forcing himself not to see it.

They got back from a case one night and Sherlock was in a bad mood because he couldn’t solve it. Of course he couldn’t solve it... John was the cause of it and he hated himself for it. That was a first and he didn’t like it. “It’s fine... you’ll catch him eventually...” Of that John was certain, but that was because John would have to reveal himself to Sherlock and it and then Sherlock would understand. He would also hate John, though he supposed that didn’t matter because he was supposed to torture him.

“Ha!!!” Sherlock growled and flopped down on the couch.

John swallowed and walked over to him with tea. He sat down on the coffee table in front of Sherlock and sighed, “Here...”

Sherlock thought about rejecting it, but didn’t. He slowly took the cup and sat up. He looked down into the mug and swallowed hard. He didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to talk to John about so many things... he was just frightened.

John sighed and looked at him, “What’s on your mind?”

He shook his head once and didn’t say anything.

John debated on what to do because he could tell something was clearly wrong, but the John Sherlock knew wasn’t supposed to be that clever. However, he felt that Sherlock’s John was good at being able to tell when something was wrong so he slowly put a hand on Sherlock's knee, “You know you can tell me anything...”

“I know... just... I know it’s stupid, but when I can’t solve a case I’m afraid you’ll... I don’t know... you’ll stop putting up with me and leave...”

John's heart hurt because he understood everything Sherlock was saying. Even though he didn’t have friends he could understand. He knew it was silly, but he always fantasised about having friends... and then he would have nightmares that when he stopped being clever they would leave him because they weren’t there for him, they were there for his brain, “Sherlock... I’m not here because you can solve cases...”

“Then why are you here John!” He snapped and glared at him, “Because I can’t for the life of me figure that out! I keep thinking that you’ll end up leaving, but you keep staying! No one ever stays and yet here you are! You’re my friend... and I would even consider you my best friend, but I know you don’t feel the same!” He growled. “Sorry– just....” He swallowed thickly, “I’ve never had a friend because no one has wanted to be my friend and I don’t know.... I don’t know how to act.... I–“ He took a shaky breath and looked up at John, “I am so scared you will leave me, John, and I really can’t have that...”

John swallowed hard because he knew it was time... this was what he had been waiting for and he hated every single minute of it, “You are my best friend, Sherlock... I’m not here because of how clever you are... or the fact that you can give me adventure. I’m not here because of the eyeballs in the fridge or the fact that you have money... I’m here because I like spending time with you... You make me smile when I’m sad and even when I’m not. I can see you for who you actually are and not for what the world sees you as. You aren’t a freak, you aren’t abnormal, you aren’t weird... you are brilliant, and kind, and extraordinary and I don’t care who believes that. I believe that and that’s all that should matter.” He smiled softly.

Sherlock's heart thrummed as he looked up at John. He had never felt this way with anyone and no one had ever said those things to him... it made him special... like he belonged, and that was something he had been searching for forever. Something he had given up on finding until John came along. He smiled softly and swallowed some, “John would you like to watch a movie with me...?”

John blinked a bit because he wasn’t expecting that to come out of Sherlock's mouth after what he had just said, but he supposed that Sherlock tended to surprise him often. He nodded and slowly stood up a bit. He turned around and then sat on the couch next to Sherlock.

Sherlock picked up the remote and started to click through channels until he settled on James Bond movie. John seemed to like those and he wanted to please John. He didn’t want to watch a movie at all, but he thought John did and that was what mattered.

John smiled and leaned back against the couch.

After a while Sherlock swallowed and then slowly wrapped an arm around John. His heart was pounding and he thought that that was tedious, but he hadn’t tried to do anything with John since he tried to hold his hand. He was terrified John was going to reject him again, but instead he just hummed and nuzzled closer. He actually nuzzled to him and Sherlock's heart swelled.

John closed his eyes and wanted to pull away so badly, but he couldn’t. He needed to do this because it was his job, but it hurt so much. He hadn’t experienced this pain since he was three. He hated himself for it because he thought he closed off all feeling, but here he was. He didn’t want to hurt Sherlock and yet he had no other choice. He was getting too attached and he didn’t know what to do... He wanted to scream.

Sherlock kissed the top of his head and held him closer, “I don’t know what you are to me, John, but... thank you.” He whispered quietly.

John said nothing in return and just reached for Sherlock's hand.

~O~

Later that night John snuck out of the flat. He knew Sherlock would be able to tell he was gone, but he also knew that Sherlock wouldn't try to follow him or be able to tell where he went. He took a cab to his car and then drove to his mansion. He was panicking and he hated every minute of it. He didn't want to do this and he didn't want to admit to anyone that he didn't want to do this.

John swallowed hard as he walked into his house. It was quiet, but that was to be expected... It was late... Really late. And since John wasn't there at the moment there was no one to make messes... Basically this was just some long arse holiday that all his servants got to enjoy. He didn't mind though because they never got to take breaks and for some reason he was feeling generous.

He swallowed as he walked around his house. Looking at things, touching things. He didn't know why he was there but it seemed to calm him in a way that being a Baker Street couldn't. It wasn't that he hated it there... He absolutely loved it and that was the problem. He knew what was about to come of this all and he couldn't breathe!!!

"John?" A voice startled John out of his thoughts and he almost dropped the vase he was holding.

"Jesus!!!" He growled and turned to glare at what appeared to be Mike. "What the fuck?"

Mike winced and swallowed. He slowly put down the crowbar he had been holding and gave John a sheepish smile, "Sorry... Thought it was an intruder. Um, what are you doing here...?"

"I had to get out." He stated simply. "Sherlock was being annoying." He huffed, though there was no power behind it.

Mike could tell and he was so scared for what the real reason was, "John...." He warned slightly. "I may be stupid compared to you, but I can still read your emotions... I always have been able to..."

John scoffed a bit and looked down sadly, "Yeah, I suppose you have..."

"Do you want to talk about it..."

John opened his mouth to say something, but then snapped it shut and shook his head. He turned around and walked to his room without a word.

Now, if Mike was anyone else that lived in the mansion he would leave John be and go back to bed. However, Mike wasn't just anyone so he followed him. He was concerned for his friend – and yes, that's exactly what John was to him even if John didn't see that... He knocked on the door firmly, but softly, "Can I come in?"

John still didn't say anything, but after a moment the door creaked opened and Mike walked inside.

John walked back over and sat on his bed, staring at the hot tub in the corner of his room, "Someone's been using that...." He sighed. "Normally I would want to find them and kill them for that, but right now I don't care... Maybe they even deserve it..."

"Deserve to be killed?" He frowned and sat next to him.

"No, deserve to sit in the hot tub." He nodded some and then laid down and looked up at the ceiling.

Mike about choked on air and slowly laid down next to him. "That's.... Different."

John just shrugged and didn't say anything for a while, "Sherlock's probably going to wonder where I am..."

"It's not like you care..." Mike sighed.

"Except for I do...." He swallowed and slowly looked at Mike, but Mike wasn't looking at him.

"Oh. I suppose you should. He might wonder where you are and then this whole thing would be blown..."

"That's....” He paused and pursed his lips, “Not why...." He whispered.

Mike knew... Of course he knew! But he was hoping he was wrong. He swallowed thickly, "John you can't-"

"I love him..." John blurted, cutting him off. "And I think I am slowly dying on the inside..."

Mike swore under his breath. "You can't love him John... You have a job to do and he's going to die either way."

"I know.. But maybe it would be better if I wasn't the one who killed him...." He whispered.

Mike growled and then slapped him. "John!!!"

John gasped and then glared at him, "What the fuck!!" He narrowed his eyes.

"If you don't kill him you'll be on his shit list! And I don't give a flying fuck if you're suicidal and want to be, but you are not dragging the rest of your staff down with you!" He snapped. "Because that is what would happen! You don't love him you're just caught up in the moment of someone having feelings for you because you haven't ever experienced that! So grow the fuck up and start planning the last step!" With that he stood up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door.

John swallowed hard and then just broke down crying. He couldn't possibly tell you how long he cried for, but eventually the sun started to come up and John had to go back. He walked into the flat and Sherlock was there.

John swallowed hard and looked away.

"You were crying." He stated, "Why?"

John sighed. He was hoping that Sherlock would still be sleeping, but apparently not, "Reasons..."

Sherlock swallowed and didn't know what to do, only that he wanted to help. "What reasons...." He whispered.

John swallowed and knew he had two choices. He could tell Sherlock or he could shrug it off. He was going to tell him not to worry about it, but something else came out, "I don't want to lose you...."

Sherlock blinked and John looked away, "John...." He whispered, “Whatever gave you the impression that I was...”

John winced and growled at himself. "Sorry.. I don't- I don't know what came over me! Ignore that..."

“John… You’re not going to lose me… I can assure you that much.” He whispered quietly and stepped forward, “You have helped me so much… With Mycroft’s disappearance and just… with everything. Youve made me a better person and that’s something that people have tried, and failed, to do. I want to be better because of you, John...” Sherlock swallowed and kept walking forward until he was practically touching his chest with John’s.

John swallowed hard and looked up at him so that he could look into his eyes.

“You’ve made me feel loved and that– that is something very hard to do...” He swallowed hard and looked away.

John could tell he was uncomfortable and so was he, but he felt like this was something they needed to do, “You make me feel the same...” He whispered and slowly reached forward to grab Sherlock's hand. He entwined their fingers together and John slowly started to stand on his tip toes.

Sherlock used his free hand to run it through John's hair softly. He rested it on the back of John's neck and slowly started to pull him in. His heart was pounding, but he knew that this was the right thing. It felt right and that was all that mattered.

He closed his eyes and just when their lips were about to touch the door to their flat flew opened and John yanked away so fast he fell over and groaned.

Lestrade was just staring wide eyed at the pair and didn’t know what to say at all, “Jesus...” He whispered.

“TIMING LESTRADE!!!!” Sherlock screamed and glared at him.

“Right. Sorry this is all my fault of course,” He rolled his eyes and then sighed, “Listen. We were mailed an envelope addressed to you, would you mind coming down and checking it out?”

John’s heart just dropped and he swallowed hard. Mike just decided to go through with it... The big plan had been set in stone for months and he knew that John wasn’t going to do a damn so he did it himself. This was it.... This was the end... And it killed John.

Sherlock sighed, “Yes, I’ll be down in a few moments.”

John swallowed and slowly walked up to him once Greg had left. "Let's run away together..."

Sherlock choked on air and narrowed his eyes at him, "John! We have a case to solve! Maybe later... But I don't see why... We have a good life here..."

"Sherlock!" He snapped, "Forget about the bloody case and just pack your bags! For me! We can move to America or Australia and you can solve all the cases your little heart wants to! But let's just get a fresh start!"

Sherlock frowned, "What are you hiding from me, John?"

"NOTHING! I'm just sick of solving cases!" He growled.

"Cases are my life, John! You don't have to come if you don't want to, but don't try to force me into something that I don't want to do!" He growled and then stormed out of the flat.

John swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He counted to ten and then followed Sherlock. He knew he should apologise, but he couldn't... He was angry and that was their last chance... He decided to push all the feelings away and focus on the case like he had originally planned. He had never backed out of a clients request before, he wasn't about to now. He tried to run and he failed. He wasn't about to give Sherlock any second chances.

He sighed and slid into the cab with Sherlock. Sherlock was pouting on the other side and John couldn’t take it. He looked down and sighed, “I’m sorry... That wasn’t fair of me...”

Sherlock huffed and wouldn’t look at him, “No, it wasn’t.”

“I just...” He stopped himself and swallowed hard. He couldn’t tell Sherlock about who he really was, “I don’t want you to get hurt on a case....” He whispered.

Sherlock smiled softly and finally looked at him. He took his hand and sighed, “I promise you, John... that wont happen.” He whispered.

John gave a tight smile and nodded, “Okay...” Though he knew that wasn’t true at all.

~O~

Once they got there Sherlock opened the envelope and frowned when he realised it was an exact replica of the Study in Pink case.

John looked at it and frowned, “What’s this then?” He asked, even though he knew.

Sherlock frowned, “I’m not quite sure...”

John sighed and they waited. It beeped and the pictures of the shoes came on. Sherlock went to 221C and the shoes were sitting there. John played dumb like he always did and every move was killing him. They went through the woman in the car, and then the man on the busy road... the old woman who had to die. John thought he would care now that things were different... Now, that he loved Sherlock, but he didn’t and that was why they couldn’t be together. Sherlock hadn’t changed him as much as he thought and maybe Mike was right about everything. He didn’t love Sherlock... he just loved the attention. He didn’t have a heart, he couldn’t feel things. However that little voice in the back of his head kept echoing to him over and over again. ‘Everyone has a heart, John. It’s just a matter of finding it.’ Sebastian’s voice kept ringing.

And then Sherlock got the message about the body on the beach and they were off again, old woman forgotten. John was almost certain the little boy was going to die as well, but Sherlock managed to solve it just in time.

They went to the brother’s house next and Sherlock was able to retrieve the memory stick. It was mesmerising to John how Sherlock was playing this out exactly how he wanted it to. However, it hurt him at the same time.

They went back to the flat and John sat down. He took a few deep breaths and then walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a bag of Sherlock's experiments and put it down the disposal.

Sherlock blinked and then ran to him, “What the hell, John!!!”

“I’m sick of the mess so I’m getting rid of it,” He growled. “Jesus Sherlock! Could you be any messier!” he huffed and reached for another bag.

“STOP!!!” Sherlock growled and tried to yank it away, instead it sent the thumbs flying everywhere.

John didn’t care because he tortured people for a living, but Sherlock’s John would. He growled and then shoved Sherlock, “Clean. It. Up.” He spat.

Sherlock glared daggers at him and then pinned him up against the wall, for the first time John was afraid of him, “No.” He growled and then let John go.

John swallowed hard and shook his head, “Whatever.” He huffed, “I’m going for a walk.”

Sherlock just glared at him and didn’t say a single thing. He had no idea what was wrong with John, but he didn’t question it. John was just stressed.

John left the flat and then broke down on his way to the mansion.

~O~

John walked to his room and got dressed in one of his suits. He slicked back his hair and put his gun in the back of his trousers. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. He splashed water on his face and told himself over and over again that he could do this. He stood up straight and took a deep breath and then walked to the pool.

~O~

Sherlock was hurt and angry at John. He didn't know why John was acting so funny! Yes, he was probably stressed – about their half confession and then not talking about it. Sherlock didn't see the big deal but he could see why it would bother John. He was kind and loving and that sort of stuff was important to him. He sighed and pulled out his laptop. He wasn't going to send the email saying he found the memory stick to his mystery killer, but with John angry at him and him angry at John he thought that he would. John wouldn't even know! By the time he got back from wherever it is he went Sherlock would be home and everything would be done with. He grinned slightly at the fact that he could finish this without John knowing. Then once it was done him and John could work on moving forward. Talking... Tedious, but necessary.

The reply was almost instant. The mystery man told him to meet him at the pool where little Carl died at midnight. Simple enough... He did have his doubts that John would come home while he was gone... Though, if that happened he would probably just assume he was in his room sulking. He slipped his coat on and then grabbed the memory stick. He took a deep breath and with one last moment of thought went upstairs to grab John's gun. He hummed and made sure it was loaded, and then left the flat.

~O~

John swallowed hard and hid behind the wall like he had planned. He could hear Sherlock open the door and walk inside. His heart sunk to know that this was actually happening, but he had to be strong and toughen up.

"Bit surprised you picked this place," Sherlock called out as he walked closer inside. "The pool where poor little Carl died is a bit much, don't you think? A bit tacky... Though, I’m not much of one to feel bad for people. However, he didn't have to die. John wouldn't be please at the fact that I don’t care if died or not, but then again he isn't here..." He sighed and looked around.

John's jaw clenched a bit and he glared at the wall across from him. He wanted to say something, but he didn't trust his voice.

"Anyways... I have what you're looking for. The memory stick! That is what you wanted.... Isn't it?" Sherlock hummed some.

John took a deep breath and then stepped out from the shadows. He cocked his gun and pointed it at Sherlock, "No, actually I wanted you." He growled a bit because talking with no emotion just wouldn't happen. He had to settle with anger.

Sherlock's back was turned so he couldn't see who it was – oh but he could hear him just fine... His voice cut through the room and echoed and Sherlock's heart felt like it was breaking. There had to be an obvious explanation, but all that came out of his mouth was, "John....?" He spun around and pointed his gun right at him. Yes, he hoped it was a trick, but he couldn't take chances and John was pointing a gun at him...

John laughed and shook his head as he stepped forward, "Surprised you didn't catch on sooner. I took you to be a genius, Sherlock Holmes. Though, I guess in all fairness you were never once able to solve my crimes so it only made sense that you weren't able to solve this one either." He huffed.

Sherlock wanted to cry and wasn't that just tedious. He knew it wasn't a trick because John looked different... He held himself differently, his hair was slicked back, he wasn't in those ghastly jumpers... And for the first time Sherlock could actually deduce him... Assassin, parents left him when he was younger, miserable, lives in a mansion with slaves, Mike works with him, and so on... And then he realised that John was letting him see all that and it hurt him more than anything. John was showing him all of this to tell him it wasn't a trick... This was really happening right now and it terrified Sherlock. And then Sherlock got angry because he had loved this man. He had loved everything this man was, but the man he loved was fictional and wasn't there at all, "So everything we did – everything _you said_!! That meant nothing to you?"

John swallowed hard and his face softened. He looked pained and he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out so he tried again, "I'm sorry...." He whispered.

"I LOVED YOU!!!" Sherlock screamed and his hand holding the gun started shaking.

"And wasn't that just the thing that made this all work..." He swallowed hard. "I needed you to love me, Sherlock. I needed you to break... You didn't love me; you loved some man I made up. He doesn't exist, Sherlock!! He never will!" He growled and clenched the gun tighter in his hands. He wanted so badly for that man to exist, but he didn't and that pained him.

And then Sherlock broke. He started crying and he just threw the gun across the room. He was actually surprised it didn't go off when it hit the wall and fell to the floor. "No! He's in there somewhere! I know it! Come back to me... Please!!" He whimpered and wanted to run to John, but he stayed where he was.

John's throat squeezed and he shook his head, "He's not... I was hired to torture you for months, but... I'll make it quick."

And then Sherlock's eyes snapped opened and he swallowed hard. "Torture..." He echoed. "All those gruesome cases that I couldn't solve... Those were you...?" He whispered.

"Of course they were me!" John snapped, "Who else would they be? See, people think you are so fucking smart, but I can outwit you!"

Sherlock swallowed hard and shook his head. That wasn't important now. "So... This is it then? You're going to kill me?" He spat, "But you're not following through with your mission. You said you were supposed to torture me so why the fuck aren't you following through?" He snapped.

John swallowed hard and tried to look away, but Sherlock was glaring at him and he felt like it was impossible to look away, “Sherlock, don’t...”

“It’s because you feel the same way!” He growled, “You don’t have to do this! We’ll run away! Just like you said...” He whispered quietly and continued to step forward.

“DON’T MOVE!!!” He screamed, but Sherlock kept moving anyway.

He got up right next to John, so that the barrel of the gun was pressed against his chest. He raised his hands and wrapped them around John’s hands, “John...” He whispered quietly, “Please...”

John choked on a sob and looked up at Sherlock. He didn’t want to do it... he didn’t want to do it ever, but he had no choice, “I’m sorry...” He whispered quietly and then pulled the trigger.

[The Edit I Made That Inspired This Fic OH MY](https://instagram.com/p/6y0wgZFnnT/?taken-by=two_hearts_one_ship)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....well that was a doosy wasnt it? ha ahahahhaha ha!!!
> 
> anyway there is probably only one more chapter left!! oh my gosh!!! i'm crying! THis one will be the first one i finish and i have loved the journey so far! peace guys!
> 
> there might be like two more chapters idk yet..
> 
> JoKe Of ThE cHaPtEr:  
> Roses are red.  
> Your blood is red too.  
> You look like a monkey  
> And belong in a zoo.  
> Don't worry,  
> I'll be there too.  
> Not in the cage,  
> But laughing at you.
> 
> ****MAJOR WARNING SPOILERS BELOW****
> 
> Okay so the next chapter does talk about suicide and death... And it has a lot of death in it. If you are not comfortable with that.. Maybe end here now! but thank you guys so much for reading!! (: and for those who continue to read! (:
> 
> alright! I love you guys so much!!!
> 
> DEUCES!


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have any notes for the beginning... i'll save them for the end.. However, this is the end. The end of this story. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it (:

Sherlock's eyes widened in shock before he collapsed to the ground. He felt like he couldn't breathe and it was the worst pain he had ever felt in his life. He watched as the blood seeped out of him and onto the pool deck. 

John stood above him, unmoving. Sherlock took a deep breath and groaned as he turned his head to stare up at John. 

John was still standing in the exact same place, holding the gun out in front of him. He hadn't moved an inch and from the look of his face Sherlock could tell he was in shock at what he just did. "John..." He choked out and swallowed when John didn't look at him. It was very possible that John didn't hear him... "John!" He tried a bit louder and then winced. He was bleeding out fast and he knew he didn't have much time...  

John snapped back to the real world and looked down at Sherlock, "Oh my god..." He choked out and started shaking. "Sherlock I–"

Sherlock swallowed and cut him off. "You still have the chance to make this okay... Just call an ambulance and leave me alone... That way you won't be a suspect... You can do it... You have a choice, John. You can either dial 999 or leave me alone to die, but right now I don't want to see you." He growled a bit, but more so because he was in pain, not because he was angry. However, he was angry... He was furious, but he couldn't focus on that right now. 

John nodded slowly and ran out of the room. Sherlock had no idea what John chose to do, because he had left the pool, but the next thing he knew everything went black. 

~O~

John ran out of the pool and went to a paying phone so they couldn't track him. He dialled 999 and waited for somebody to answer. 

"999. What's your emergency?"

"My-" John cut himself off. His what? He couldn’t say flatmate because then there was a chance he would be considered a suspect. He wasn't in the right mindset and wasn’t thinking clearly. "There's been a shooting..." He whispered like he couldn’t believe this was actually happening. 

"Are you in any danger, Sir?" 

John whimpered and shook his head, though he knew they couldn't see. He just blurted out the address and ran.

He got to his car and then peeled away, speeding to the mansion. He was lucky he didn't get pulled over, but he wasn't really thinking about that.

He eventually got to his mansion and ran up the stairs. He flung himself in his bed and just stared at the ceiling. After a while he could hear the door open and close softly, he just assumed it was Mike. 

However, once he heard the soft click of a gun he knew that wasn't the case. John sniffled and slowly turned around to face his attacker. He didn't care that this man would probably kill him... He just wanted to take everything back that he did, but he knew he couldn't. 

Mycroft stood before him and was shaking a bit. His eyes were filled with rage and his chest was heaving. John hoped he would kill him. It would end this nightmare.

"You shot him." Mycroft choked out. 

John sighed and scrubbed his face. "That I did." 

Mycroft's jaw clenched, "I was wrong about you." 

John frowned slightly and looked at him, "Wrong about what?" 

Mycroft shook his head, "I thought you could actually care for someone, but I was wrong. You don't have a heart, John Watson. You're an evil man and now you're going to die."

John stood up and straightened his back, "Then do it!" He spat. 

Mycroft blinked a bit and then a slow smile spread across Mycroft’s face, “Ah, there it is.”

Now, it was John's turn to clench his jaw, “There what is?” He growled.

“Your emotion,” Mycroft hummed in an amused voice.

John swallowed thickly, “Stop avoiding it and just fucking shoot me!” He hissed.

Mycroft shook his head and put the gun away, “See, I came up here with two possible outcomes. I’m going with the original one I thought would happen.”

John thrusted his jaw forward and glared daggers at him, “Oh, please tell me what outcomes you had thought up were.”

Mycroft frowned, “Not even going to deduce them? Pitiful.” He sighed and stepped forward, “Well, the one I thought wouldn’t happen is I would come up here and you wouldn’t have cared what you had just done. In that case I would have shot you and we would have moved on with our lives. However, you _do_ care. You wish you could take it back.. which is why we’re settling for the outcome I thought would happen.”

“WHICH IS WHAT!!” He screamed.

“I’m leaving you alive, John Watson. So you have to live with what you have done. Sherlock is _never_ going to forgive you for what you did to him so you will have to live with that – or he will die... and you’ll have to live with that too. Either way, you’ll be alone – and Watson, my dear, I don’t think you will be able to handle that.”

“And how do you know I just won’t kill myself?” He swallowed.

“Oh, because you are way too proud of a man for that.” He smirked and then spun around and walked towards the door. He put his hand on the doorknob and paused slight, “Have a nice life, _Doctor_ Watson.” He hummed and then left the room.

~O~

Three days later and John Watson dressed up as Sherlock’s John. He got in his car and parked a couple of blocks away from St. Barts hospital. John walked up to where Sherlock's room was and sat in the chair next to his bed as he watched him sleep. He didn’t know what Sherlock would do once he woke up, but he didn’t care... he didn’t want to be away from him and maybe even going to jail would be better than the pain he was feeling now. He sighed as he held Sherlock's hand and brushed his thumb across the back of his.

John ended up sitting there for hours before Sherlock’s eyes slowly fluttered opened. He swallowed hard and waited for Sherlock to register that he was in his room.

Sherlock slowly turned his head to the side and saw John. At first his heart swelled with happiness and love, but then he remembered what John had done to him – what John had done to hundreds of people, “What are you doing here?” He said lowly and glared at him.

“It would look a bit weird if I wasn’t here... don’t you think?” He tried to joke, but it just came out sounding dry.

Sherlock looked away and clenched his jaw, “I don’t want to see you. Ever again. And I thought that I made that very clear.” He snapped.

“Perhaps you did, but I can’t stay away...” John whispered after a minute of silence.

“Then maybe you should have thought about that before you–“ He didn’t have time to finish that sentence because John had put his hand over his mouth.

“Don’t talk about that here...” He whispered quietly and then slowly retracted his hand. “Sherlock... everything I did... everything I said... that _did_ mean something...” He said quietly, repeating Sherlock's words from before. He watched as Sherlock winced, but he just thought it was just from his words. “Sherlock..” He choked out quietly, “I love you... God, help me.... I love you so much.” John said for the first time.

However, Sherlock didn’t have time to respond because the next thing John knew his eyes were rolling back into his head and the sounds of the machines were beeping like crazy. Nurses ran into the room and started working on Sherlock furiously. John choked on a sob and couldn’t believe what was happening, “BUT HE WAS FINE JUST A MINUTE AGO!!!” He screamed and then two bigger men – security he took it – were carrying him out of the room and into the lobby to wait.

~O~

Hours later a doctor came out and looked at John, “Doctor Watson...” He said quietly.

John stood up and walked to the doctor that looked rather sombre. His heart sunk, but he kept his head held high, “Yes...” He whispered.

After a moment of silence the doctor swallowed and gave him a firm look, “We tried everything we could to save him...” He said with no emotion. John took it that this was a speech he had to give at least five times a day, there was no room for emotion anymore. “He had internal bleeding that we didn’t see before, but by the time we tried to fix him... he didn’t make it. I’m sorry. You can come and see him if you would like.”

John's eyes widened and his heart broke. Sherlock never said it back... He didn’t even know if Sherlock had forgiven him for what he had done! He felt like he was suffocating and he felt numb everywhere... He wanted to cry, but he hadn’t shed a tear since that night he had broken down in his room... though, he supposed that wasn’t a long time ago. He just straightened his back and then nodded once.

The doctor sighed sadly and then turned around, leading him to the operating room. He watched as John walked over to the table Sherlock was laying on and then left the room, giving the two men some privacy.

John started to shake as he got closer to the body, “Sh-Sherlock....” He whimpered and reached for the lifeless man’s hand. It was cold and John wondered how long he had been gone for. “Sherlock... please... please say something to me. Let me know you’re okay... I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...” He choked out. Sherlock was silent and that broke John. He fell to his and cradled Sherlock's hand to his face.

Eventually, he stood up and gave Sherlock one last look and a kiss on his cold lips before walking out of the room. That was their first kiss... and Sherlock wasn’t even around to share it with him. He walked to his parked car and got inside and then dialled a number he was hoping he would have been able to avoid.

“Hello?” Sebastian answered on the second ring.

“It’s done.” He said gravely.

Sebastian was silent for a second, “You were supposed to torture him.” He finally spat.

“Yes, well. Things don’t always go as planned!” John spat back, “I’ll give you a million back and we’ll call it even. Now, don’t fucking call this number again. Goodbye, Sebastian! Have a nice fucking life.” He said with no emotion at all and then hung up.

~O~

John meant to drive home... he really did, but he ended up in front of a tall building that had probably been there since the dinosaurs. John paused for a split second before slowly getting out of the car and knocking on the door.

An old woman answered... she was probably around Mrs. Hudson’s age. “Christ...” John breathed under his breath.

The woman’s eyes widened and she started to weep as she took the man into her arms, “My baby...” She whimpered.

John smiled sadly and wrapped his arms tightly around her, “Hi, Mrs. Turner...” He whispered quietly.

She pulled away slowly and smiled sadly at him, “You’re so handsome...” She whispered and then sniffled, “Did you hear about Jim..? Tragic really I–“

John cut her off, “I _really_ don’t want to talk about that...” He felt sick.

She nodded and seemed to understand what he meant, but John knew she didn’t.

John was silent as he walked into the familiar place. He took a deep breath and then looked at her, “Do you still have it..?” He asked quietly.

She didn’t even have to ask what he meant. She knew... and she also knew that one day he would come back for it, “In my office.” She said softly.

John looked down and shuffled his feet some, “Can I have it...”

She smiled sadly and nodded, “One minute deary.” She said softly and then left the room. She came back a couple of minutes later holding a small stuffed squirrel in her hands.

John swallowed hard and then reached forward and grabbed it from her hands, “Thank you...” He whispered quietly.

They chatted about life for the next couple of hours and for that time John just forgot... and it was glorious.

~O~

Months passed in a blur and John had stopped taking on cases. He let his staff go – let them be free – he didn’t even care if one of them were to turn him in, but no one did... The only person that stayed with him was Mike. He didn’t understand why, but he also didn’t ask. John didn’t speak these days, but Mike didn’t seem to mind the silence. He understood.

John had no idea where Mycroft was, but he also didn’t care... if Mycroft was going to come and get him, John would let him, but Mycroft never showed up.

No, life wasn’t easy from that point on, but Mike was able to make it just a little bit better.

~O~

On June 27, 2014, exactly two year after Sherlock's death, Mike walked into John’s room to check on him. However, what he found broke his heart. He ran to the bed to check on John, but he was too late – hours too late. He climbed in the bed and held John’s lifeless body in his arms as he sobbed. He looked down and saw that John was holding some stuffed squirrel. He didn’t see the relevance in that, but he also didn’t dare take it out of John’s hands.

A while later he pulled away and started making arrangements for the funeral... He was the only one to attend.

~O~

Three months after John’s death all of the stories were leaked. All of the people he killed were revealed and all of the cold cases that involved him were solved. After police had all the information on John Watson everyone considered him the best assassin in the world. He was known worldwide and was famous... and even though that wasn’t the best title to be remembered by... Mike knew that he would have loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow... just wow... my first fanficiton finished.
> 
> and though i would have rather have them together in the end... i felt like this ending felt... right. Them being together after what had happened didn't make any sense at all... Well i hope you all liked it!!!
> 
> Also I'm sorry there were no warnings.. I didn't want you to know how it was going to end before you even started to read it... And when I first started I didn't know how it was going to end either... Anyway. I hoped you enjoyed it nonetheless. 
> 
> PLEASE KUDOS AND COMMENT!!! mostly just comment because i love reading them XD 
> 
> JoKe Of ThE cHaPtEr:  
> Knock Knock!  
> Who's there?  
> Broken pencil.  
> Broken pencil who?  
> ....never mind. It's pointless.
> 
> I CANT XD XD 
> 
> Anyway since this is the end i love you all! And if you enjoyed my stories you should check out some of my other ones! (:
> 
> DEUCES BITHCES!

**Author's Note:**

> HEEEYYYYYY personally I love the ending... #ImACockyBastard
> 
> if you liked that you should definitely Comment, Kudos, Subscribe, the like! also if you havent you should check out my other fanfictions... Mainly just Tulips of Love like i mentioned above, but you know! Whatever strikes your fancy.. heh. And i suppose if you wanted to read Through Time and Space that one is pretty legit too... well.....
> 
> DEUCES UNTIL NEXT TIME MOTHER FUCKERS!!


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